Funny Life Quotes Jokes

• Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? ------Bob Monkhouse
• You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. ----Funny Life Quotes by Chris Rock
• Life is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing. -----Yiddish Proverb
• My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other. ------Josh Billings
• Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "I am with you kid Let's go! ------Maya Angelou
• Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries. ------Everett McKinley Dirksen
• If you don't know [your family's] history, then you don't know anything.
  You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree. -----Michael Chrichton
• Life is pain, princess. . . anyone who says differently is selling something. ----Wesley The Princess Bride
• The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly — because if they don’t speak fast nobody will listen to them.
• Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.
• Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for. -------Alice Walker
• Dost thou love life? Then

waste not time; for time is the stuff that life is made of. ----Benjamin Franklin

Dont take life to seriously. No one gets out alive.

Just when you think there's light at the end of the tunnel, you discover it's an on-coming train.

Life is the only thing you can''t get out of alive.

What a wonderful life I''ve had! I only wish I''d realized it sooner.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car..

If we can't be free, we at least can be cheap. ----Frank Zappa

life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how u react to it

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
– Shunryu Suzuki Roshi

Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert.

Life is a glitch in the universal program

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. ---Janet Coleman

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. ---Andy Rooney

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. ----George Carlin

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. ----Joey Adams

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. ----Woody Allen

You re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Life is wasted on the living.